Cleaning and coming across old memories...

**Vlad** · 05-17-2003

Today I've been cleaning some of my old stuff up and putting it into boxes. I came across a lot of old memories, mainly a lot of memories from a relationship I was in about 2 1/2 years ago to a girl I almost married

Now, all I've been doing has been sitting here and remembering so many things from that past, I can't get that shit out of my mind now! Why is it that sometimes we hang on to things we are over and have forgotten? I mean, I was in love with this girl and thought she was the one. Once her and I broke up it took some time to get over everything and now over 2 years later, even though I am so over her, there are thoughts about her every now and again. I mean I was in 2 serious relationships before her, but I never think about those girls. Is it because I haven't found anyone that I've been into a lot to get serious with since this last serious relationship or is it just because of the seriousness of that relationship?

I guess I am just looking for experiences from some of you to relate a bit. Like I said, I am over her and have been for a long time, but sometimes I still think back to her and what we had and all that. Then when I see old memories like I did today it makes me go back to it more. Anyway, just curious what everyone else is like who has been in a serious relationship with someone they loved and whatnot...

**Maverick[TG]** · 05-17-2003

vlad, i guess its just a human thing to do. when one developes a bond so strong with another individual, its something comfortable, and something we remember for ever. when you seriously love someone, and have such a great relationship/bond with that person... they will always be in your head. the way you get memories and stuff, its likely a combination of not having found someone else yet, as well as the degree to which your relationship with her got.

i have to step out now, but when i come back ill share some stuff maybe

**Punisher** · 05-17-2003

I have tons of memories and things that I try not to dwell on, but when I think of them I drift off for hours thinking how I coulda done thigns differently. It doesn't really pay to think of the past, but you just can't help it. Failed relationships, addictions, family issues...how I coulda done things differently is always floating through my mind.

What you describe with your GF is almost exactly the same as kicking a hardcore addiction. The extreme longing for a while, then it just kind of gets pushed tot he back of your mind. But the second you are reminded of it, it comes right to the forefront again. You will probably never truly be "over" her, but chalk it up to life experience, and know that you seem to have at least known true love, more than most will ever be able to say in their life.

**Arioch** · 05-17-2003

Some girls you just never seem to fully get over.
I have one from when i was much younger we dated for a couple of years.

I would of done anything for her. But I was young and i made alot of mistakes and lost her.

made mistakes with all of them, but eventually learned dont do that in the next one. but id find knew mistakes to make. lol

So now im single but I actually think i finally almost know how to treat a woman.

Ohh well , I will never forget Wanda, and i sometimes dream we are together just hangin out , and im so happy. then i wake up alone and say fock, it was only a dream.

**1$ikbITCH** · 05-17-2003

It's just like drugs. As time goes on, it's easy to remember all the good times, and forget about how screwed up things got. But if things were so good, you would not have split up. What you need to do is replay the WHOLE tape, not just the good parts.

Then go get yourself a hooker.

**Arioch** · 05-18-2003

Originally posted by 1$ikbITCH
It's just like drugs. As time goes on, it's easy to remember all the good times, and forget about how screwed up things got. But if things were so good, you would not have split up. What you need to do is replay the WHOLE tape, not just the good parts.

Then go get yourself a hooker.

Exactly what 1 sik said.. guys only remember the good...
Girls only remember the bad. thats the full honest truth that i know of.

All i ever remember is the fun me and an ex had , but they onle remember the shitty times.

that is why we hardly ever get back with our true loves.

**SealClubber** · 05-18-2003

Memories are the only thing that we get in result from past experiences

so, in a way... when you going out to a club, when you playing a video game, when you having sex with some hot chick, etc etc...

You do it for the memories

**=DBA=Ronin** · 05-18-2003

I can totally relate vlad cuz i go through the same thing all the time. When I was growing up and in HS i used to spend almost all my summers up north at our cabin. There was another family from FL who spent their summers up there too and over the course of a few of those summers I was kinda seeing one of them. She was the first girl I ever truely fell in love with and with it being such a long distance relationship (im in WI), it just never worked out. But my feelings for her, although not as strong now as they were, always get rekindled if i hear certain songs, ecspecially when im drinking. We still talk now and again and see each other every summer over the 4th when she comes up to the lake. She is going through a lot of rough times with personal issues down in FL and whenever I talk to her I cant help but wish we would have been able to stay together so I could be there for her. Last time I talked to her she said she is planning to move up here in a cpl years to be closer to her family who have all pretty much moved here as well, so who knows, maybe there is still a chance. I only say that cuz I really think we were meant to be and my only hope is that I am right.

Having felt the way I did about her is something I wouldn't trade in for the world. The memory of the times we spent together is at least one thing in life that i will always cherish and be thankful that I got to experience. True love knows no boundries of time if it is meant to be, its just amazing to me how something so good can sometimes cause so much pain.

**Peach** · 05-18-2003

Thats not true....the girls also remember the good times but at times everyone has to remind themselves of the bad times as a way of easing the pain of the person lost. When a relationship ends sometimes that person gets put on a pedastool which we compare everyone else to, but u have to compare the good and the BAD, and thats something most people forget to do. Its not a matter of the guys only remembering the good and girls only remembering the bad, its not that way at all

**KegRun** · 05-19-2003

Vlad..bro..lol...u know I'm emotionally fkd up since December. When I was packing up my shit in Arizona to move to florida...you don't know how long it took me to pack. I had so much stuff i forgot WE had bought together. I found 3 coffee mugs with my gparents names on it and her moms name on it. I had 2 big stuffed M&M characters...one hers..one mine. And lookin at those hurt because we got them in Vegas and I was like half a second from asking her to marry me and just fkn doing it and not worrying about our families. But I didn't. I came across a box FIIIIIIIIIIILLED with pictures of parties, trips, and just plain old memories. I found some pix of when I threw a HUGE ass surpise b-day party for her and she was so fkn wowed by that. I found a picture of her wearing a budlight 12 pack box on her head and smiling the biggest drunken cheeze smile. I just remember her telling me that I was the best boyfriend and that I was the best thing ever in her life. And I just started laughing and said to myself..wtf happened. I remember all the times I made her laugh. I remember the times I made her look at me with deep love in her eyes. I remember our fights and the stuff I said to make her cry. I remember the shit she did to make me hurt and cry.

You are right when you say you hold that person on a pedastol, because that's what I do. I want someone that I can connect with like I was able to with her. I want someone that is as or more beautiful than her. I want someone that can make me laff like her. It's hard right now...but I just can't help NOT comparing. Because every day...fkn every day that girl crosses my mind. I still have dreams about her and we are together still..and happy. I'm still left confused and curious because of how we ended. After she married that other guy ( lol..that part is still funny to me), she basically told me she fkd up and missed me and all this other shit. But what can I do. I live in Florida now because I was trying to stay with her when we were still together. Now she isn't coming here. She's actually moving to my hometown..lol..to be with him. I didn't even want to move here. I wanted Colorado or Washington or something different than East Coast for now. But oh well again.

I'm still in love with a girl that I'll probably never be able to be with again. And that hurts bad. Cause she was SUPPOSED to be my wife. I should be married right now and probably starting a family, cause I'm sick of 'playing the field'. That shit aint me.

But..it's all good. Cause one day I'll meet some other girl that'll blow the one I think about all the time right now out of the water.

**1$ikbITCH** · 05-19-2003

People too often let themselves be defined by who they are with. If you need someone else to make you feel whole, you're in for a lifetime of heartbreaks.

You need to look inside yourself for happiness. Otherwise, you are just using people to obtain a certain feeling. You can't rely on outside things to keep you happy. That leads some people to use drugs and alcohol to get that feeling, or gambling, or many other self destructive practices. Even if you never go down that path, you'll still always be depending on other people to make you happy.

Screw that.

Learn to be happy from within, and then whatever else happens in your life won't be quite so devastating. The term for this is "well adjusted".

I'm not all that well adjusted either, but I'm working on it

**Pallidrone** · 05-19-2003

Originally posted by 1$ikbITCH
People too often let themselves be defined by who they are with. If you need someone else to make you feel whole, you're in for a lifetime of heartbreaks.

You need to look inside yourself for happiness. Otherwise, you are just using people to obtain a certain feeling. You can't rely on outside things to keep you happy. That leads some people to use drugs and alcohol to get that feeling, or gambling, or many other self destructive practices. Even if you never go down that path, you'll still always be depending on other people to make you happy.

Screw that.

Learn to be happy from within, and then whatever else happens in your life won't be quite so devastating. The term for this is "well adjusted".

I'm not all that well adjusted either, but I'm working on it

Man, that is SOOO true.

**Vlad** · 05-19-2003

Funny you say that sik, after her and I broke up and it hurt and all that fun stuff, I got to learn so much more about myself and life. It's funny how painful things bring us to be better people and more knowledgeable in the end...

**Wretched** · 05-19-2003

When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.

Shivers posted this over at the pod boards on our shout box but I thought it fit really well here, so I'd post it

I go through shit like this everyday Vlad and have no idea how to stop, so if you ever figure it out lemme know heh